Editor,

The crop circles have returned to our rural community, and our lives are made interesting once again.  Unlike last year's occurrences, this time they appear to be man-made.  (Unless the Martians have started wearing women's shoes to throw us off their prints.) 

But I wanted to see for myself if these new circles were genuine.  So I asked three alien friends--Zardoz, of Dodof 4; Glaxon, of Dantooine; and Jose, of Sonora--to take a look.  These experts confirmed what the Defender had reported: not only were the crop circles man-made, but they were poorly-made, as well.

"Do you see the way these soybeans are flattened, rather than twisted to the ground?" remarked Zardoz, "I have not seen such shoddy workmanship since Karnak Fey'la on the ninth moon of Ryloth." 

Glaxon the Conquerer also reacted to the circles with scorn.  "Were I to use these circles as indicators for my space fleet's troop movements, we would surely find ourselves mired in the rings of Saturn, instead of feasting in your Earth Capital.  Glory to Dantooine!"   

Jose, who doesn't speak a word of English, offered to pick the soybeans for a nickel a bushel.  He added: "Si, si.  Veo el papel de higenico de electricidad." 

Actually, Jose's a little crazy.  We only asked him along because we could all fit in his van, and Glaxon's Death Cruiser was mired in the rings of Saturn.   

Sincerely,