NARNIA--The Montreal Expos are homeless no more.  Major League Baseball has announced that the team will be moving to the magical land of Narnia, from the popular book series by C.S. Lewis. 

The move is a landmark in baseball history.  The Expos will be Narnia's first professional sports team.  It is also the first time a baseball team has relocated to a completely fictional place.

King Caspian greeted the news with enthusiasm.  Large crowds of Narnians gathered to hear King caspian speak at a special ceremony.  Present were Puddleglum, the marsh-wiggle; Glimfeather the owl, and the fauns and talking creatures of the forests.

There he proclaimed, "We shall celebrate by dining in the Great Hall of the Four Thrones of Cair Paravel.  The animals of the wood and men of the Seven Isles will come to dine and drink at the right hand of these former Expos." 

These were the words of Caspian the Tenth, known as Caspian the Seafarer, who sits on the throne of Peter the High King.  Caspian is also expected to be named General Manager of the relocated franchise.

"What this ball club requires is a farm system with depth, so that we may compete with teams in the Lands of the Sons and Daughters of Eve, teams with treasuries far exceeding our own, like the accursed Yankees of New York."   

The crowds hissed and booed at the mention of the Yankees.  Reepicheep the Mouse stood atop a marsh-wiggle and proclaimed, "Let these accursed Yankees come to Narnia!  And bring with them these Braves of Atlanta and the Blue Jays of Toronto.  They will meet the sword of Reepicheep!"

Caspian, ignoring the interruption, continued: "Now, I command all Narnians, from Beruna to Aslan's How, to comb our lands for young talent.  Seek out a faun with a 90-mile an hour fastball, or a dwarf with keen eyes that may pummel a ball so far that it lands in the mountains of the Gentle Giants in the north."

After the raucous cheers died down, Caspian unveiled the new team logo.  "Then, at the anointed hour, Aslan himself will appear to dispense wisdom and advice to our new team: The Narnian Lions!" 

Aslan is the Great Lion who lives beyond the eastern sea.  During the reign of the White Witch and her endless winter, he broke the stone table and conquered death.  The lion was also crucial in bringing the Expos to Narnia, and will have a controlling interest in the team. 

Though it was a happy day in the faraway land, the move does create several practical headaches.  Critics have bemoaned the decision, Oakland GM Billy Beane being chief among them.  "See, the first problem is, Narnia isn't so much a city, in North America, as it is a realm.  Faraway, in a land where most of us cannot travel."

Beane's point is valid.  Up until now, Narnia has only been visited on special occasions by children selected by Aslan.  Beane continued, "I mean, what's the deal?  Are we all going to start banging our heads on magic paintings or do I send my entire club in through a wardrobe in Professor Kirke’s mysterious mansion?  This is a logistical nightmare."

Despite the criticism, Narnians are busy preparing for their club's arrival. 

Teams of beavers, bears, and moles have begun construction on a new stadium, to be positioned on the shores of Glasswater, south of the palace of Cair Paravel.  Construction foreman Trumpkin the Dwarf was enthusiastic about the location.  "This baseball field will shine gloriously on the sea, and it shall be the first sight Aslan has of Narnia when he returns from the East.  Plus, the telemarine traffic is bustling here, and we see a lot of potential for a thriving commercial district on the shore."

With construction moving along, Aslan, along with Caspian's treasurers, has set to making the team financially feasible.  The Great Lion addressed stockholders at their first board meeting, gazing at them over his reading glasses as he presented the spreadsheets.

"A 6% sales tax will be levied on all Narnian goods, for a period of twenty Narnian years.  We believe the initial ticket prices should be as low as thirty crescents, but no higher than eighty, until such time as revenue sharing creates a more solid salary base."

The Lion then became frustrated and slammed the portfolio on the table, "And can someone get the IMF on the phone to work out a decent currency exchange rate?  How many crescents are in a dollar?  Let's talk real money here, people.  Hey sweety, I'd love some coffee."  Aslan then let out a great roar that echoed in all the Great Halls of Narnia.

Ralph Henderson, former Financial Officer of the Rockies and now Assistant Secretary to Aslan, was optimistic about the team's new home.  "Narnian statistics lean toward baseball.  We polled several sports, and though football did very well, the market was leaner after Caspian chased the giants into the North.  The fauns and dwarves and talking beavers that are left, especially young males ages 10-24, our key demographic, polled more toward baseball than other sports."

He continued, "19% 'Especially liked' the sport and 68% 'enjoyed the sport somewhat.'"  They key figure here is that only 8% of Narnians said baseball was 'too slow,' and those numbers are much higher in America.  Narnians don't yet live in a sports-saturated marketplace, so even the measured pace of baseball seems exciting to them."

Mister Henderson shrugged, adding, "Of course, exact statistics are hard to come by, because Narnia has never actually existed, and CS Lewis died in the 1960s."

Imaginary or not, the Expos are just happy to be wanted by someone, somewhere.  A sleepy-eyed Orlando Cabrera told reporters, "I'll play anywhere man.  But I have to get to bed soon or I will die, you know what I'm saying?  My last paycheck bounced, dude.  I'd play in fucking Candy Land just to get a hot meal."