Have you noticed an excess of possum road kill on our highways this spring?  I have too!  This is because the opossum's natural predator in this area, the wood fox, is being wiped out by hunting and pestilence.  Our possums are running amok, and their corpses litter our streets.  Something must be done.

Our state highway services spend an estimated $15,000 each year clearing these opossum carcasses from our roads.  Why should we be doing the work of these lazy, ne'er do-well marsupials?  Let them clear their own dead from the streets.  We could even pay them a decent wage to carry other unlucky animals off the highways.

Letting these rodents scavenge for food is a waste of manpower.  It's time we got possum society running on a paying basis.  Provide them a steady paycheck and they'll put that money back into the community, into our groceries and dry goods stores.  Why, next thing you know, the whole of the forest may be integrated into the delicate fabric of our economy. 

Imagine a deer working the express register at Wal-Mart, or rabbits that harvest your cabbage instead of stealing it.  Yes sir, soon we'll start bringing all the creatures of the wild under the tax umbrella.  Of course, there would have to be certain restrictions on skilled labor.  No one wants to lose their factory job to a brown bear that's willing to work for berries and honey.