Sosa Has Hot Wife

Peebles, OH—According to a team of experts in Josh Arey’s basement, Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa has an incredibly hot wife. “Oh my God,” exclaimed Ryan Arey, “That’s the kind of girl I’d kill my pets for.”

The observation was made during the Reds Cubs game Tuesday night, when a camera cut to Sosa’s wife in the crowd. A very lonely Jody Akers was there to see events unfold. “She was standing up and stretching, and when she arched her back her beautiful, half-melon boobies just stood right out.”

Added Ryan, “And her shirt lifted up enough so you could just see the top curve of her ass.”

The adoration of the baseball fans didn’t end there. The group of men went on for five more minutes extolling the virtues of the wife’s legs, tummy, face, and hair. There was even further speculation by some that her “kooter is probably tight as hell," but such claims were unverified at press time.

Sammy Sosa refused to comment on the tautness of his wife’s vagina.