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NEW YORK--The New York Yankees added to their already loaded lineup Wednesday, as they announced the free agent signing
of Jesus of Nazareth, whom some call the Christ, to a 100 year, multi-million dollar contract.
The exact dollar amounts
are unknown, but it is speculated that the Yankees are paying Jesus a tidy sum to lure him away from His previous position
in heaven at the right hand of God.
Yankees GM Brian Cashman says Christ is well worth the price, "We're talking about
Jesus, after all. He fed 5,000 with loaves and fishes, walked on water, and rose from the dead on the 3rd day.
At
minimum," added Cashman, "we expect Him to hit .280 and drive in 80 RBIs."
Apparently, George Steinbrenner first became
interested in Jesus after seeing The Passion of the Christ, and being impressed with the His grit and Yankee-like determination.
"I saw that Jesus movie, and I told Cashman to get me that guy," said the billionaire.
The signing of the Son of Man
has sparked controversy among fans, given His lack of big-league experience. Father David Rivella, of the Brooklyn diocese,
said, "I don't believe Jesus has much plate experience. I've read the Bible a number of times, and I don't remember any passage
where He and the disciples discuss the mechanics of His swing."
Jesus laughed off the criticism, "Yea, look upon me.
Am I not the Christ? I existed before the heavens, and have total mastery over time and space. I doubt Curt Schilling's changeup
is going to phase me."
"I guess it's nice to have a Messiah on the team," Yankees manager Joe Torre told reporters.
"The trouble is figuring out where to put Him. The fact is, the lineup is already so loaded He may end up hitting off the
bench."
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