SON
Dad this sucks.

DAD
Shhhh.

SON
Dad I'm missing my cartoons.

DAD
(angrily)
Shhhh-shhhh-shhhhh!  Deer!

SON
This is so stupid.

DAD
Goddammit quiet!  You want to be a man don't you?  Well you ain't a man till you kill something shut the hell up were hunting deer.

A beat passes.  The dad sips his coffee, patiently. 

The son is anxious.  He's working up the nerve to say something important.

SON
Dad.  I've been trying to work up the nerve to tell you something important. 

DAD
I don't care.

SON
I thought that here, in the bosom of Gaia, Mother Earth, would be the right place to tell you.

DAD
Shhhhh.

SON
Dad.  I'm gay.

DAD
Yeah I know.  It's no big deal.  Now quiet we're hunting deer.

SON
What!?

DAD
Could you keep it down?  You'll scare the deer.

SON
What do you mean "you know"?

DAD
Aw hell, every one knows. 

SON
How?

DAD
You wear belly shirts and sing along to the Lion King sound track.  And you write all that bad post modern poetry.

SON
You read my poetry?

DAD
Yeah, and son: E.E. Cummings did free form better, you should stick to constricted verse.  Read Frost.  Now shut up.  Deer.

SON
I can't believe you knew.  This sucks.

DAD
Shhhhh!

SON
This was my big chance to come out of the closet!  You're supposed to be cruel and domineering.

DAD
Please understand that these woods are full of deer.  And that we are only allowed to shoot said deer during certain, selected months of the year.

SON
What am I supposed to put in my memoirs?   I had this whole chapter planned about my fascist father who threw me out in the street.  Then I would hitchhike to San Francisco and join the Bohemian artisans, Communists, and other outcasts of the system.  Together we'd--

DAD
Well son, I'm sorry to rain on your gay  parade, but theres really nothing wrong with it.  I do't care who you put your di--Oh dear god I see a deer.

The dad takes aim.  When the son begins to shout his shot goes off and he misses the deer.

SON
It is to wrong!  It is unnatural, base and vile!  I am a sodomite and a degenerate pervert.  Abuse me!

DAD
What the hell is wrong with you?  You let the deer go! 

SON
Yeah, that's it dad!  Hit me!  Get mad!  Suppress me!

DAD
Well, I guess it's okay.  There are plenty of deer in the woods.  You want some ice cream?

SON
No, no I don't want ice cream!  I want to feel pain! 

He grabs his dad's fists and feebly tries to hit himself with them.

DAD
Son....stop.  You'll feel better when you get some ice cream.

SON
Shut up dad!  You'll never understand me!  You'd rather I be dead than be a faggot!  

DAD
Son, honestly...

SON
You're going to shoot my gay lover with a shotgun while he's in my bed and then I'm going to San Francisco to live with my own kind, away from your stifling Midwestern values.

DAD
I'd never shoot your gay lover.  Unless he was a deer.

The Sons face suddenly lights up.  Finally, a way to be trapped.

SON
I do deer for money!

DAD
What!?

SON
You heard me. 

DAD
But Son...that's depraved and unnatural!

SON
That's right!  It is!  I need discipline!  Suppress my sinful lusts and desires!

Dad points his gun at his son, trembling and sobbing.  He's really gonna shoot his kid.

DAD
Aw, son I love you no matter what.  You're old enough to make your own adult choices.

Dad exits.

SON
Noooooooooooo!

A person dressed a trash bag enters the stage.  The Son's voice narrates.  PIANO MUSIC plays softly.

SON (V.O.)
It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing.  And there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it.  And this bag was just...dancing with me.  Like a little kid begging me to play with it.  For fifteen minutes.  That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force wanted me to know there was no reason for me to be afraid.  Ever.  Sometimes I fell like there's so much beauty in the world I can't take it...and my heart's going to cave in.  

Slowly, other people dressed as trash blow on stage.

SON (V.O.)
And then I started looking around.  There was a beer can...cardboard boxes...so much beauty...everywhere.  I couldn't take it. 

The trash starts to converge on him, slowly smothering him.

SON (V.O.)
Then I started to realize that it wasn't so much beauty...as it was garbage.  There was a ton of garbage everywhere.  This place was a real shithole.  Sometimes there's so much garbage in the world I can't take it...and my heart's going to cave in.

The garbage smothers him, and scene ends.