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| Isn't she gross? I wish we could stop her from eating candy. |
Ryan Arey was not only a great humorist, but he was also a journalist! I remember when Carol joined the school
paper. She was so fat. Don't you think that Tracy Gold is fat? I mean a fatty-fatty-fat?
Tracy Gold really needs to lose some weight. Look at this picture of her. Tracy, if you're reading this:
LOSE SOME WEIGHT! If you think Tracy is fat, you should write her a letter telling her so, so she'll stop offending
the world with her disgusting, bulbous form.
You can reach Tracy at: 13824 Hollywood Blvd.,
Los Angelas, CA, 90348-2301. You could even draw a picture of how fat she is; that would help get the message across. If
we all work together, we can make fat people insecure so they'll lose weight, whether they're really fat or not.
Together we can!
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Friends Doing Well
Ryan received the good news this week that several of his old friends are
doing very well in life, and achieving dreams similar to his own. Two of his friends from college (who are really more
acquaintances at best) are having a pilot produced for their sketch comedy show... |
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Frisbee Game Enjoyed, Regretted
After a long day of working indoors, Ryan and his coworker/roommate
Peter decided to stop at a local park to enjoy a game of Frisbee. The sun was setting on a crisp Florida afternoon,
casting a golden hue across the graceful white disc as it spun through the air...
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Diplomacy Solves Roommate Conflicts
Ryan paid a visit to Peter Cornfield’s room this week,
and immediately informed his roommate that his room smelled. “Hey Pete, you want to get some pizza? Geez,
your room... |
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Ryan Weds Jew
Boca Raton, FL-Last night at the Funky Buddha Lounge Ryan proposed
to, and married, a Jew that he had been seeing for several weeks...
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Ohio a Barren Tundra
Ryan recently returned from a journey to the far off land of
Ohio, a place so barren and desolate “it flaunts the notion of a loving God,” according to Ryan. The frozen
wastelands...
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Successful Bowel Movement Achieved
Coral Springs, FL--Just moments ago, team Ryan Arey just put
together a first-rate bowel-movement. The BM occurred on January 11th between 9:37 and 9:42 am, EST. Ryan's anus
issued the following statement:
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Small Wonder Coming Out on DVD
Ryan recently heard that the short-lived 80s sitcom “Small
Wonder,” about a family’s robot daughter, will be released on DVD sometime in the next little while...
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Study: STD Test Not Worth It
According to your Financing Division, testing your body for
sexually diseases is not financially feasible. Sources say...
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Yahtzee Achieved
Peebles, OH – Ryan Arey achieved a Yahtzee last night
at approximately 9:43 pm. According to sources at the scene, “Yahtzee! How...
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News in Short...
Duck Hunt Dog Shot At.....Area Man Could Take Toby Keith in a Fight.....No Clean Spoons in Drawer......Local
Car Making a Ka-Chung Sound....Little Brother Keeps Hitting Himself, Hitting Himself.....Local Man Announces Plans to Beat Wife... |
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Fall Guy New on DVD
That one show, the Fall Guy, has been released on DVD sometime
not too long ago. It has that guy who was...
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Terrifying Smile Seeks Office
On Thursday, November 20, West Union Attorney Danny Bubp announced
that his utterly frightening smile is a candidate for the 88th District State...
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News in Short
Pepsi Unveils Disgusting New Soft Drink
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Maddux's Lunch Box Stolen
ATLANTA, Ga--Atlanta starter Greg Maddux's lunch box was stolen from his locker Friday, following his perfect game... |
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Tigers Say Fuck It
DETROIT, Mich.--Major League Baseball
won't have the Detroit Tigers to kick around anymore. Yesterday, the frustrated ball club released
this statement: "fuck it." The "it" being fucked...
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Expos Move to Narnia
NARNIA--The Montreal Expos are homeless no more. Major League Baseball has announced that the team will be moving to the magical land of Narnia, from the popular book
series by C.S. Lewis...
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Yankees Sign Christ
NEW YORK--The New York Yankees added to their already loaded
lineup Wednesday, as they announced the free agent signing of Jesus of Nazareth, whom some call the Christ, to a 100 year,
multi-million...
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Big Unit Gets Some
ATLANTA—Last Tuesday Randy Johnson became the oldest player
to pitch a perfect game, cementing his place n the history books. Later that night, the Big Unit
capped off his perfect evening by making violent love to a waitress from TGI Friday’s...
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Randy Johnson Will Remain Ugly this Season
PHOENIX, Az--According to their front office, Diamondbacks starter
Randy Johnson, 39, will remain an ugly bastard this season. A spokesman for the club said that Johnson has had a long, prosperous
career as an ugly son of a bitch, and there's no sign he's getting pretty any time soon.
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Sosa Has Hot Wife
Peebles, OH—According to a team of experts in Josh Arey’s
basement, Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa has an incredibly hot wife. “Oh my God...
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Barry Bonds Mutates into Horrible Monster
Cuban Baseball Team Executed
Fehr Slaps Selig
Griffey Pregnant
Jeter Fucks up Fantasy Team
Major League Mullets in Decline
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