Dear Editor,

In spite of the peace protests over the weekend, I still favor preemptive strikes against third world nations building weapons of mass destruction.  We have to hit the bad guys first.  And yes, that includes the starving masses of Iraq and Afghanistan.  That's why I am advocating an immediate invasion of Mozambique.  

Mozambiqueans may not appear to be threatening: 10% of the population has AIDS and the average life expectancy is 44 years.  However, recent intelligence has reported that Mozambique currently controls potential weapons of mass destruction called "rocks." 

Most historians agree that all primitive weapons used rock as a central component: they are the crucial first step to building atom bombs and cruise missiles.  Research has shown that some 85% of Mozambique is composed of rocks, which can be turned against the men and women of our armed forces. 

The danger isn't going to go away: satellite photos have revealed that some Mozambiqueans are capable of tying their rocks onto sticks, creating a sort of "clubbing" device, which could be used to "club" our brave soldiers overseas.  Can you imagine the savagery?  Have these barbarians never heard of the tools of sophisticated warfare, like M-16s, land mines or tomahawk missiles?

Where is the UN on this issue?  We should be sending teams into Africa immediately, to ascertain the exact number of rocks and sticks they control.  Then we should carefully weigh the evidence before we colonize them.

Sincerely,

Ryan Arey