In a move that will shake up the soft drink industry for years to come, Pepsi released an intentionally shitty new product last week. 

 

Dwight Lacey, Pepsi spokesperson, released a statement about the new product: "We feel that Pepsi drinkers have had enough of the standard, hum-drum, tasty products we offered.  America is ready for a soft drink that tastes like a jug of mouse piss." 

 

The response to the drink was immediate.  Sales of the product skyrocketed, as consumers wanted know if the drink was as repulsive as they heard.  Jay McDowell, a local gas station attendant, tried the drink and said it was, "The worst experience of my life.  After one taste, my mouth felt like it had been violated.  I brought some bottles home for my family to try."

 

Sherry Warner, who works at the bank, also tried the drink.  "After one taste, my body just went into convulsions.  My nervous system completely shut down from shock.  I could barely finish the bottle."

 

The popularity of the drink has stunned many in the industry, as one would think a soft drink that induces cold sweats and vomiting wouldn't do well in the American market.  Many are attributing it to the popularity and familiarity of the Pepsi name.  "With our name recognition, we could sell the public Reindeer nut sack sweat and they'd lap it up like the stupid fuckers they are," said Lackey.