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Hey guys, here's some more stuff that Ryan wrote, and I think you'll really like it. Some of it's kind of brainy,
and I just skimmed the long stuff, but that's cool, because I'm not a very strong reader. I used to skim Teen People
for my name, but I'm not in there very much now, so I just look at the pictures.
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Musings/Short Works
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I Don't Know Why I Ever Loved You
I look back at the times
I couldn’t wait to see you again; now the sight of you makes me sick. I was a different person then.
Just as I used to think Smashmouth was a great
band... |
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First Impressions From a Newlywed
Well, I've been married for less than 24 hours, and I'm proud to say that my wife Nurit (pronounced
nor-EET) and I are very happy, though I haven't seen her yet today...
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Mr. Davis, Your Students Cut My Face a Little
Dear Mister Davis, I heard your father-in-law died. I'm sorry. Perhaps
by the time you read this, some of that grief will be alleviated. This is my first day substitute
teaching, but I'm confident...
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Mutant Personal Ads
It Seeking It Asexual
Larva Creature seeking reproductive encounter with asexual creature to mutually...
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Why Sports Nerds Love "Rudy"
Yesterday I watched the first 35 minute's of "Rudy" five times.
Why only the first 35 minutes? Because I was showing it to five classes while I was subbing...
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Everything is Different Now
Everything is different now. Peebles has successfully
seceded from the Adams County School District, and we can little comprehend the great change this will effect upon our lives. I
will repeat, for emphasis: Everything is different now.
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The Politics of Toes
Well I Hope You're Happy
Longer Stories/Essays
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Time Stopped for Ira Bader
Ira
Bader was like most heroes. At first glance, he wasn't much. But when met
with adversity, he responded with such biting fierceness that the children of Peebles Elementary School, now adults, can scarcely
mention his name without bated breath.
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The Rain Twins
When I was in tenth grade I took a health and fitness class. Stretching
and jogging and badminton, no classroom. Our teacher changed his clothes and worked out with us. One
day he wore a tee shirt that read “No Fat Chicks.” Even though I wasn’t a fat chick
yet, my feelings were hurt.
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Seeing a Baseball Game With Jeff
I don't believe God is an all-seeing Daddy, and I don't believe
in Santa Claus, and I don't believe good always triumphs over evil because my mom told me so. I stopped believing in
these things when I was a child. But I believe in baseball.
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I Know Grandma's Secret
Growing up on a rustic farm we lived with our grandmother Jean Who
quietly did all our washing and milking and baking and kept our bedrooms clean Well,
one day I got to thinking and realized I’d never seen… |
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Baba B'Day's Day Away
Each morning good humans go off to earn their pay: The slaughterhouse attendant lines
up the meat
Mail carriers walk the streets And evil trolls steal children's wishes and turn them into feet But the busiest of them all they say, was Baba D'Day.
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Lori's Song
Good Lori Smith sat in Sunday School While her teacher told a story About a magical place called heaven That was waiting
for Little Lori
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Cowardly Benjamin Mace
Everybody
gather here and listen To a tale of courage learned About a man named Benjamin Mace His place in legend well deserved He was an unremarkable
man With an unremarkable face Hard thick glasses and shiny baldhead Were the trademarks of Benjamin Mace
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How Our Fine Pastor Curtis Got Himself Some New Religion
When I was a kid we went to the little
white tabernacle out past the River Briar And we had ourselves a fine Pastor Curtis that would set that little House
o' God afire Well he'd shout to heaven an' he'd shout to hell and he'd-a point to the rafters and start to sing He lit up that little
combo band and oh how that little white chapel'd swing He jumped and shouted and stood on his head giving Lord Jesus
his due praise We were swooned and spelled, gladly beholden to everything he says
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I'll Keep You Cump'ny in Hell
I once loved a girl, Linda Loo She smoked and cussed like a man, yes it's true But sin caught up with
her at the end of a gun Now she's down in hell an' the devil's a-havin' his fun
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Max and Stanley
Stingy Stanley had all the best stuff His room was full of every kind of toy And he never left his big white house Where he tightly kept the world's joys
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Tommy Loon's House in June
In my class there's This boy named Tommy Loon No one really likes
him much 'Cause his head's shaped like the moon |
Comedy Sketches
This comedy stuff is the coolest! A lot of people
don't know this, but Ryan has written dozens of comedy sketches for comedy shows in New York, Ohio, and even here in LA.
Here's a few of them, and they're really funny, and I think they're totally cool.
Some of them even make fun of Jesus, and while that's
not cool, it's all right, I guess, because I'm totally willing to compromise my morality for the sake of this web page.
Awesome!
Blood Tooth's Ambition
Deep Drunks
Deer Hunting
The Eager-to-Please Waiter
Eye Problems
Gollum on Parade
Not a Comedy Sketch
The Waiting Room
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