Experts expect Ryan to view several screens today.  Beginning shortly after he wakes up, he will rise to immediately look at his computer’s 18-inch LCD screen for about five minutes.

Then he will prepare breakfast while viewing the 45-inch Plasma screen television he shares with his roommates.  According to reports, the screen will likely show images of well-dressed people speaking.  While not planned, it is expected there will be brief segments of time when the screen will try to persuade Ryan to exchange goods and services of the screen’s choosing.

In order to make money, Ryan will go to work, where he will stare at another screen for approximately seven hours.  His body, the product of millions of years of evolutionary conditioning that permits him to move about upright, grasp objects, run, and swim in order to forage for food, is expected to spend 85% of this work time in a sitting position.  This will compress his spine while his body efficiently stores fat cells it gathered during the morning’s breakfast. 

Originally intended to hunt and adapt to the rigors of nature, Ryan’s body is now being used primarily as a fat storage facility and a screen-viewing machine.

Ryan’s eyes, which have evolved to perceive a wide range of color and movement to better track prey at great distances, will mainly be fixed on a screen two feet from his face.  Experts expect the screen to show text, numbers, cartoons, and videos depicting cats (domesticated ancestors of feral animals) falling from man-made objects, including screens.

Upon returning home, Ryan will once again stare at the 45-inch LCD screen to watch one hour and thirty-five minutes worth of West Wing episodes.  After viewing this screen, he will shower, and retire to his room, where he will once again view a smaller screen while writing scripts and editing videos.  This process will continue until after 1am, when he will go to sleep and dream of screens.

Experts expect this process to be repeated tomorrow, and every day after, until Ryan dies.