Roommate Immediately Told his Room Smells 

Ryan paid a visit to Peter Cornfield’s room this week, and immediately informed his roommate that his room smelled.  “Hey Pete, you want to get some pizza?  Geez, your room smells.”  Ryan was so overcome by the odor that he threw all decorum out the window.  Mr. Cornfield then asked what the room smelled like, and Ryan replied, “Socks, mostly.  Your normal smell.”

As of press time, Ryan has not revisited the room.

Other Roommate Now Keeping Underwear Off Bathroom Floor

Ryan’s department of sanitation was pleased to announce his week that the surface of the bathroom floor has remained 95% free of any roommate underwear.  A mysterious pair of unclaimed skid marked grey boxers is occupying the remaining five percent.

The roommates speculate the boxers belong to Ryan himself. While Ryan denied this report, he has announced plans to wash the boxers anyways.

 Letter Seeks to Resolve Kitchen Crisis Diplomatically

Roommates,

Our kitchen is in peril!  During the past week, three sacks of our bread have been partially melted by the heat from the toaster oven.  In one case, this damaged a bag so severely it was no longer fit to contain bread.  The bread was safely transferred to another bag, thank God.

In light of such events, I submit to the Council that the area atop the toaster oven is no longer fit keep our bread.  While this location is convenient, and preserves valuable counter space, the price we pay is too great.  We must soon hold a hearing to determine a new location for the bread. 

I would like to nominate the counter space adjacent to the toaster oven.  This location is near enough to make toasting the bread convenient, but far enough so as not to melt the bags containing the bread.

I know that we can weather this problem if we hold together.  Take strength from the crises of our past: the lack of a working toilet and shower during the Remodeling Age, the cable box going out just before the NFL playoffs, and the awful Spoon Shortage of 2009.

We are made stronger by these trials, and they have made us more than roommates.  They have made us friends.

Sincerely,

Roommate Ryan