Dear Editor,

I was pleased to hear of last week's quadruple arrests for crystal meth manufacturing.  It seems the Sheriff's Office has four very prominent feathers in their cap.  These criminals will be sent to jail, and rightly so.  It's a victory for the people. 

However, we must assure that the real victims don't slip through the cracks of the system.  I'm talking, of course, about the actual crystal meth itself.  In many cases like this, the meth is seized by the state and placed in narcotics orphanages.  There, along with other captured illegal drugs, the meth will be made to scrub floors and clean chimney flues.  Eventually, these troubled drugs escape the harsh life of the orphanage and end up on the streets, picking pockets and pushing themselves on kids.  Then the cycle begins anew. 

Someone needs to care for these drugs, to boost their self-esteem and teach them to stay off themselves.  This crystal meth needs to be rehabilitated. 

Therefore, I am going to open Adams County's first "Recreational Shelter for Lost Narcotics."  If anyone has any meth, weed, coke, hash, crack, opium, luudes, percosets, darvocets, acid, shrooms, ecstasy, morphine, downers, uppers, smack, beer, tobacco, whiskey, or Pepsi please contact me.  I will gladly take all of these underprivileged drugs into my cartels--I mean, care.

Respectfully,                      

Ryan Arey

Caregiver,

The Recreational Shelter for Lost Narcotics