Dear Bass Pro Shop,

I was just perusing the latest issue of your catalog.  A first rate publication.  Young men like myself, living alone in my early thirties, are always grateful for a good catalog.

Though I am not a sportsman per se, I do enjoy guns, bows, and other weapons, and spend a great deal of time in the woods.  I wouldn't describe myself as a "nature enthusiast," though I do enjoy being outdoors, away from civilization. 

The city is a filthy sack of whores.

One product caught my attention: "The Big Game Cooler Bag."  This item is a portable insulated bag that lets you chill a field-dressed deer.  Though I've never been one for hunting "big game," I have, many times, found myself in the woods and needing to preserve a dead body. 

I have a few questions regarding this product.  First, you mentioned that it rolls up like a sleeping bag.  Does it also look like a sleeping bag?  If I were, for instance, seen heading into the woods with a young companion, would the Cooler Bag look suspicious or unusual to anyone passing by?

You also mentioned the bag has five ice packing compartments.  I assume that I would have to carry the ice into the woods with me, which is a problem.  Thirty year olds in sweat pants carrying an ice cooler into the woods with a gun and a child tend to attract attention.  Especially if the child is crying.  

So, my question: where can I acquire dress and gear that makes me look like a legitimate hunter?  It's vital that I project the image of a normal, well-adjusted man who goes into the woods only to murder deer, not children.

Sincerely,

Ryan Arey