According to your Financing Division, testing your body for sexually diseases is not financially feasible.  Sources say symptom-free singles like you thought a routine test would be the responsible thing to do.  The matter was then sent to your Financing Division, who rejected the notion flatly.

The “Peace of Mind” package featured by most clinics tests for Chlamydia, oral and genital herpes, AIDS 1 & 2, gonorrhea, syphilis, and hepatitis—but it costs 250 dollars.

“Fuck that,” said your Chief Financial Spokesman.  “Until something starts itching, breaking off, or health care reform gets passed, we’ll wing it.”

You, who will never know if millions of bacterial cells are laying waste to your genitals, then ate a handful of jellybeans.