Ryan recently returned from a journey to the far off land of Ohio, a place so barren and desolate “it flaunts the notion of a loving God,” according to Ryan.

The frozen wastelands of this cold earth stretched for miles in every direction, fading into the sick haze that permeated the horizon, the buildings, the people.  ”This is the only place where people are as gray as the sky,” one Ohio resident noted gloomily, as he pushed along his wheelbarrow of dead cats.

What was once a land of fertility and mirth has been gripped by evil forces that cloud its people with despair.  ”Our rocky soil no longer yields crops—only hunger and disease,” said Ryan’s destitute father,  a local ice cream truck driver.

“There is pain now…only pain.”

While in Ohio, Ryan recorded a rap song, drank a bottle of whiskey, attended a family reunion, and watched his nephews play organized sports.  The trip was a rousing success.