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Desperate Mix CD Fails to Save Relationship
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Last Ditch Effort to Salvage Meaningless Relationship Demontrate's Art's Futility Against Destiny

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The long-anticiapted release of "Your Songs" finally arrives.

PEEBLES, Ohio--To paraphrase Mick Jagger, Some girls are worth hanging onto. Facing the imminent doom of his one-month relationship, music fan Ryan Arey was determined not to go down without a fight. Last week he stayed up "until four or five in the morning" crafting what he calls the perfect "staying together mix," entitled Your Songs.

"I chose that title because I wanted to be clear what this album was really about. I even led off with the Moulin Rogue version of "Your Song," to show that every song had a very specific meaning to it."

The album's release was held at now ex-girlfriend Cindy Mitchell's mailbox, at seven in the morning. "I rang her buzzer and told her to check her mailbox before she left for work," said Arey, adding, "I don't know why I thought she'd be awake. Our schedules have been so weird lately, I have trouble remembering which shift she works on Tuesdays."

The mix included such songs as "Let's Stay Together," "Starting Over," and "Say It Ain't So."

"I tried to have as much variety as possible, because Cindy's a special girl, with a wide range of tastes. She gets everything from Mr. Big's "To be With You," to Johnny Cash's cover of "Bridge Over Troubled Water.'"

The CD also included Eminem's "Crazy in Love," followed by "Can you Feel the Love Tonight?"

"The Lion King song was the theme to her senior homecoming. I saw that in an old yearbook," said a proud Arey.

The music had a darker side as well, acknowledging that Cindy had been spending more time with Tom, her boss from work. "I put 'Suspicious Minds' and 'Brilliant Disguise' on there, hoping she'd get the message that I'm not totally thick."

The album, while mostly featuring well-known studio bands, also has indy roots, with a couple songs from local acts. "This one time we went to a bar with a few friends of hers from work, and this band Power Monkeys was playing. I bought their CD and put 'Love Money' on the mix, too."

Ryan's only regret with the CD is "I wish I played an instrument or sang, or something. That would have really been a great climax, you know? Instead I ended the CD with 'God Only Knows' by the Beach Boys and 'In My Life,' the original Beatles version."

The efforts were in vain, however, as Cindy called Ryan later that day and ended the relationship. When reached for comment on the mix, she said, "Yeah, there was some good stuff on it. There's a Will Smith song, and a bunch of old guys. I never really listen to CDs much now anyways. I mostly just use my iPod."

For his part, Arey is moving past the breakup with optimism. "I've already got the title track of my newest mix: 'I Want You Back' by the Jackson 5." Ryan then said he'd "throw in a little 'You Oughhta Know,'" to help show the bitch that "she's gonna have to work to get her claws back in me."

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