Hi there, how are you? What's going on? My name? My name's not important, because we're here to talk about you, and what you like. Because whatever you like, I guarantee I'll like the exact same stuff.

What I'd like for you to do is tell me some bands that you really enjoy, and I'll pretend to know who they are. When you ask any specific questions about my opinions of the band, I'll dismiss the subject by saying something about how I don't have all their albums, or something. Then I'll change the subject to books, movies, television--whatever you like.

I promise you that we will always agree.

What's that? Not into popular entertainment? That's okay, because I have the same hobbies you do. Crocheting? I LOVE that shit. I crochet like a son of a bitch. See? Aren't I funny? See, even though I probably don't crochet, I'm still willing to talk about it.

No, really, let's not talk about me. I don't have anything interesting to say. Just get into the van and yell me more about you. Please.

Please, for god's sake woman, get into my fucking van now. Don't make this any harder than it has to be.