Binghamton, NY--After six months of struggle, Sarah Davidson has finally won the battle of her life against breast cancer. This Friday her oncologist, Doctor Frank "Butch" Cassidy, gave her the happiest news of her life. Standing in a waiting room swelling with friends and family, Mrs. Davidson anxiously awaited her latest test results. The doctor removed his surgical mask and said, "I have some damn good news. Your fucking shit's in full remission, you lucky cunt."

Mrs. Davidson and her family then erupted in celebration, as the doctor elaborated. "We caught the fucking carcinoma before it could spread through the ductal cells--that's where your sweater-puppets make milk. If we hadn't kicked ass like we did, it'd be butt-fucking your lymphatic system straight to 'You're Fucked-ville.' It was real bitch, too. I tell you guys," he said, grinning, "The shit we can do with these fucking lasers--it's fucking amazing."

The family cocked their heads at the highly accomplished medical professional. The doctor then took his leave, adding, "Well, looks like you fuckers have some celebrating to do. I got some shit set up, suck you later."

The Davidsons reasoned on the way home that the doctor mostly likely had Turrets Syndrome, and they respected him for his courage and dedication.

Dr. Cassidy reminded reporters that if we all work together, we can find a fucking cure.